Off With Their Heads!

The holiday season, here once again, represents the pinnacle of human joy.  Laughter, joking and light banter often decorate the cherished interactions between close friends and family.  These people know us, know our stories and accept us for who we are.  This treasured trust is the merited result of years of work at maintaining invaluable relationships.  Trust leads to the respect required to accept disingenuous humor, sometimes at our own expense, …and with the federal government I am not quite there yet.

Enter the annual presidential pardon of two turkeys for the Thanksgiving holiday.

As human beings we tend not to tease or make playful fun with the strangers we encounter in daily life.  Trust does not yet exist in these relationships.  There is no familiarity with individual humor and what may be jovial fun could easily be taken with offense due to the lack of a substantial foundation in the relationship built on trust.  That’s the issue with this so called pardon.  Years of deception, along with the sage advice of the founders of this country, have created mistrust in every action undertaken by government officials.  The hypocritical act of sparing two birds whose very existence goes better with stuffing and gravy only serves to further erode the tenuous relationship between citizen and state.

Let me be clear, (I fully accept the collective groan that stems from the use of this intro phrase) this is not a substantial act in and of itself.  The folksy ceremony is meant to lighten the devilishly droll day-to-day that is Washington life.  However, this act is significant because it represents more of the same.  As Obamacare advisor Jonathan Gruber repeatedly notes, in a very on-the-cuff manner, the stupidity of the American voter is essential for successful deception.

The last thing that the feds, the president or those esteemed powers who can’t quite design a website ought to engage in is a practice where blatant hypocrisy is on display.  The president, and most of congress, still eat turkey.  Which means that somewhere a turkey had to die.  So, the economic trade-off follows no logical pattern, another staple of present-day government action.

There is now an online poll where voters get to choose which turkeys will survive.  How quaint.  (The other turkeys view this more as a literal “Hunger Game”)  But to metaphor-ize based upon the standard rules of child-rearing, if you haven’t done your homework, you don’t get to play video games.

Shallow symbolic gestures ring hollow when taxpayers foot the bill, especially when respect and approval for such “leaders” is wearing quite thin.  President Obama even made light of his recent executive order regarding immigration when he stated, “I am taking an action fully within my legal authority – the same kind of action taken by Democrat and Republican presidents before me – to spare the lives of two turkeys – Mac and Cheese.”  Way to mix business and pleasure Mr. President.  Except, he is the only one pleased.

Unlike the close relatives that make the holidays brighter, the feds are our creepy uncle who can’t sit still without a child on his lap.  He keeps poking and playing, “just joshing’ around,” as his mustache squirmily wriggles.

*Collective shudder*

We are the kids who aren’t kids anymore.  We have grown up and remember all the lies made in the name of fun or better yet, the greater good.  The jokes are not funny, and we now realize that they never were.  Experience and information have wisened us to this impostor of shallow humor.  We are not as stupid as he would like to believe.

Keep your insincere ceremonies and false idols Mr. President.  Clock in, clock out and follow the Constitution.  That is all we need from you.